I Have Moved To CardBoardAmerican!
I don't wait for her to get up to make breakfast because when I get hungry, I make something so I can do what I'm supposed to do to make money, which is to write. But the way she asked the question was exactly as I presented it, very broad.
I said that there wasn't to which there was silence and in it was the thought that what she was asking and how I responded would have very different results because I did brew half a pot of coffee this morning... was she asking if there was any brewed coffee left or any coffee left at all?
Because the other day I brought home a packet of coffee, a dark blend that she doesn't like. And at that time, there was still some of the other coffee that had been purchased at the beginning of last week, left in the freezer.
She certainly noticed that that coffee was nearly gone but had she noticed the other packet in there? One can only assume what she was asking so I broke focus from my writing and turned to address this issue.
"Wait, do you mean to ask whether there is any brewed coffee left or if there is any coffee in the apartment at all? Because the way you phrased the question could mean..."
This is when she jumped in to say that I'm always thinking the wrong thing and that wasn't what she said.
Impulsive MisunderstandingsNow, this is another level towards misunderstanding where she has actually misunderstood me thinking that I was trying to turn the question around into one of judgement, rather than to see that the question itself was actually non-specific.
I'm taking note of this because I'm sure it's the reason why we have so many disagreements. Not that she does this all of the time but in the past, I have been clear about her putting things in a questionable way.
A Collision Of PrioritiesThis goes even further now because, as I sit here trying to complete my article, I'm trying to multitask by sharing out my stories because any delay in that is a lost chance. It's a rabbit hole for sure so I won't go into it, but basically it's what I have to do. It's my job which is also another argument we have but these are my priorities.
Of course, there are other things to do and like the leaving of the apartment I recently wrote about, she wants to know if we will be able to do laundry today.
I don't have the capacity to tend to everything at once, but she's dependent on me obviously because she doesn't want to go do laundry by herself. All of this could be resolved easily if she would just make some effort along with the acknowledgement that what I do is important for financial reasons, but I suspect that even as I sit here writing and sharing things out, right in front of her, something only a fool couldn't see; that it's just another way for her to take and not take what I do, seriously.
I could take the clothes in a bag and carry them to the car. She could drive the car to the laundry mat and get one of those baskets, near it up to the car and unload the bag which for the most part will make it easier.
But the issue is also of money because I have have 13 dollars in my account and three dollars in cash. Going to an ATM would cost me at least 24 dollars with fees and she doesn't have any money.
[12:35 PM - As I write this, what I had anticipated happened, where I was automatically logged out of a social sharing tool I use.]
Then it occurs to me that we could go to a 7-eleven and get five dollars using the cash back feature during check out. But we needed detergent and you can't really get inexpensive detergent at 7-11 so we'd have to go to the grocery store and she's picky about which store she wants to go to. So picky in fact, that she will drive out of the way to get what she wants, which is just proof as to how unreasonable she is.
I asked her which store and called them to make sure they had a cash back option which they do.
Then it occurred to me that I promised a friend of mine yesterday, that we would be going to one of the food banks on Thursday but to help reduce the load, I would try to get to one of them for myself before 1 pm when they closed by myself on Wednesday.
Also, the tool I use for unlimited share access withdraws 15 dollars from my account automatically every month and this was around that time so I expressed a sense of urgency in leaving asap to do all of this, taking me away from all of this for four hours before I would be able to come back and complete my article(s) for the day. If we didn't leave now and spend the money on that card now, there would be no money for detergent or the cashback.
But she came up with another plan to wait until tomorrow. So I sent a message to my friend that we would wait until tomorrow which forced me to consider that doing laundry was extra important because I'm wearing the last of the clean clothes. But when I told my mom that we would need to wash finally, she somehow decided that I was putting too much of a burden on her and didn't want to go anywhere now, but I was at fault for this sense of urgency.
As I tried to explain why this needed to happen, she just sat there in disgust beginning to stress out and I gave up telling her anything. Which is basically how these things get worst because rather than make things easier and putting priorities on what needs to be done today, she decides to lower the urgency on things she decides on and I abandon them just to see them go to shit. At that point, it's her fault.
Now, back to my writing!
"Priorities and Misunderstandings Over Coffee and Laundry" by Jon Mark is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 4.0 International License. Based on a work at http://jonmark.livejournal.com/139644.html
Practically, all day yesterday I sat in front of this computer working on two articles for the Inquisitr. Because, it takes me a long time to research the information before I even know what I'm going to write about. Part of the research process is obviously researching the topic I'll be writing about but also to learn what I'm writing about because, in the two cases from yesterday, I knew nothing about the Google Nexus devices or even the Huawei company.
Forced To Abandon My Work
But I couldn't complete my third article to meet the min weekly requirement for two reasons, one of them was the fact that my mom wanted me to go with her to the grocery store.
The greatest problem I have with this is when I've had to tell her over and over again that I am working and cannot leave, especially when I'm trying to meet a deadline. But she didn't care or she forgot about it, gambling with my potential to make some money for the week, so I anticipate there will be more yelling and hollering about me not having enough money this week.
I did try to keep up by using her smart phone for the research but much of the articles took me down the same road for the topic, with the same information. Because, if I were to count on just sending in content for pay then I wouldn't have to take the time to do the research. I wouldn't be interested in learning the product and so I have a feeling that my mom would prefer that I rush through these things because money is more important than quality?
In any case, it didn't matter.
The CArgument Outside The Vietnamese Restaurant
My mom was out of town for most of last week with family. She wanted me to go with her and had been talking about it for months but, I made a commitment to my writing work where I refused to leave this computer unless I had a mobile device with a keyboard to take on the road.
In any case, it's business as usual when she got back. During this period when I was “forced” to go to a restaurant to spend money, she brought up something about a car that my uncle used to have when he was with this other woman.
The problem was that my uncle didn't remember that my mom had a KIA that belonged to him and she did and reminded him of it, as a matter of fact, she was furious that he had forgotten that she had given 2k dollars to him for the car and still, it ended up going back to them and to that woman from who he has since, been divorced from.
But my mom brought up that I had been working at NORTEL making great money and had given the 2k dollars for the car, but I didn't remember.
Now, my mom was pissed that I couldn't remember and in case he ended up calling me, I would not be able to essentially, defend her claim.
The bitch of the bunch was when she said she was sick of something as if to say she was sick of the disorder and that things weren't going as she wanted them to go, to which I interrupted her and said that I could give a shit about her problems and got out of the car.
Another One Of My Mom's Bright Ideas
On the way back to the apartment from the restaurant and the grocery store, my mom came up with this idea that I should cut my hair, shave and groom better because of one of the last couple of times we left the apartment, we got pulled over by the cops and feels that my lack of grooming was the reason for that.
She has a habit of constructing these little stories based of of certain signs and events which lead up to it, such as that they couldn't have found a reason to pull us over the last time other than because they saw me and figured because of how I looked, they needed to pull us over.
This is just another way for my mom to try and impose some control on me and how I do things which is first of all, ridiculous, this idea of hers and second; I could give a shit what I look like and will not change my look for anything as I don't even bother to maintain the one I have.
Of course, maintaining could also be as easily as not doing anything about it because this look of mine one that doesn't giving a crap. I have more important things to attend to and meeting her grooming requirements isn't one of them.
And as we were coming to the apartment as I was telling her how wrong she was, I also reminded her that she had taken a big chunk of my time I could have used to complete my articles for the week in order to have some money on Tuesday which caused her to use the fact that I regularly go to someone else's apartment where I “don't make anything”.
Now I ask you, why wouldn't I strangle my mom at this point?
The Coffee Regulator
Fairly recently, there have been news stories, reports and investigations that have revealed some facts about coffee consumption that work in my favor. I've shown the articles to my mom and even read them line by line, making sure she understood what was being read. I've even shown her the video reports on YouTube because she hates reading, where people in action make a stronger case.
But none of this shit matters which comes back to the conclusion that she either has a out of control compulsion to control everything or that she really doesn't remember the facts given to her. And so this issue returns after at the most, two weeks have passed that she's had anything to say about my coffee consumption, before she started creeping back into position against my coffee drinking.
This morning she asked me why was the coffee so dark, which is a stupid question coming from her because she's playing as if she doesn't know. I already know where this is going to go and frustratingly, I simply responded to say, “I don't know, maybe I'm putting too much coffee in it, maybe I'm not putting in enough water?”
Both of those positions intentionally designed to say the same thing, that I was putting in too much coffee as if to give her points for what she was trying to say, that I was using too much coffee.
Let me also make it clear that my mom doesn't like regular coffee, she only wants to drink decaf for the fact that she has a sleep cycle she wants to stick to, and even when it isn't the coffee, she finds a way to blame coffee for her not getting any sleep, when she has sleeping problems.
It doesn't matter that the caffeine might have left her system several hours before, if she had regular coffee that morning and goes to sleep at ten at night, the coffee is somehow to blame.
So the regular coffee isn't for her. Also the fact is that I buy my own coffee.
So what's it too her? If it's too my tastes then so be it and don't bother me about it again. Remember, she brought her loaded question this morning.
But it's already evening and I'm sitting behind the computer, working on my second article when she opens the door to the room, not because she needs to enter to get anything, but that she has an issue she wants to confront me with and that is that I use too much coffee.
I'm sick and tired of this kind of shit. But this is an issue that we're going to continue fighting over and I did think about not drinking coffee again just to spite her but why should I not drink the coffee I want to drink?
The Bridge Of Sleep
When we finally did get back to the apartment, I sat down to write again and even though I had been checking links and sites, doing research on my mom's phone, there wasn't anything that had really triggered a narrative for the article. So, it was as if I had done nothing while I was gone.
And it took me a matter of a few hours to get this article done but I already felt the sleep start to overpower me and I knew I had to get some sleep. Coffee wasn't an option as I made clear earlier.
No, instead, it was time for me to get some sleep. I sent an email to the editor and told them I would not be able to meet my minimum for the week. Hopefully they will understand. Don't know what I'll be prepared for if they don't.
So I crashed on the bed.
I dreamt about something and I wish I could remember what it was but now, nothing.
"More Bickering With Mom Over Money, Coffee and Grooming In 2016" by Jon Mark is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License. Based on a work at http://jonmark.livejournal.com/139286.html
I think I woke up around 3 AM. I'm sure it was around that time. I hadn't been sleeping very well, having to do lots of different things that I had to be present for and slept when I got the chance.
That's pretty much how I do it now, I sleep when I can.
I would say that before I woke up, I had been awaken by my mom at around eleven perhaps? I remember it was earlier than usual, I had fallen asleep around seven or eight o'clock, maybe closer to 9.
Again, I don't remember and that's about the best I can do in recalling those events.
As I work backwards on recalling the events of yesterday – don't anticipate that I'm going to spill a story of urgency or anything like that, just trying to remember the important stuff – I recall that my sister had actually also woke me up before my mom had, putting ten bucks in my hand for caring for their dog Baby.
I wanted to make sure they knew that I would be working on trying to keep the dog as they are working to rid themselves of her as she's too high maintenance for them right now.
After I woke up this morning though, I felt I needed to work towards keeping Baby as a goal. It's constantly in the back of my mind, that I need to do that. And with my mom waking me up and also, me having to wait for more than a few hours to come to this computer to write; I've been anticipating “hitting it hard” to get back on track financially, perhaps by Tuesday and really, just want to live in a place where I don't have to answer to anyone for anything and perhaps have Baby by my side. I'm pretty certain I can get her skin better and play with her so she can enjoy her life. She deserves that kind of attention.
"Taking Self-Disciplinary Action To Help Baby" by Jon Mark is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License
[5:32 AM - CST] - I'm getting sleep when I can. I think I just got in a few more hours just now and I'm back on the computer, and Baby is right here next to me. My sister and my niece will likely be here today to pick her up.
I'm a bit concerned about Baby and her fur, she needs to have a bath and I know I can certainly help get her back to where she needs to be in terms of grooming and helping to get her rashes under control. I'm pretty sure my niece hasn't done as well as she could have to solve the problem. I'm sure whatever bathing she did for her was just a rush job without much consideration or attention paid to the dog, due to the fact that she lives in a anxious filled environment.
I guess that's part of the plan today, where I'm going to need to step it up and try to earn some more money for the things I do.
As part of the engagement process, I've been thanking those who follow my twitter account. It's hard coming up with stuff to say when you're limited to a certain amount of characters, so it was helpful for me when we sent a thank you to an account for a micronation called Kingdom of Catan because the image for their logo looked a lot like the image for a show I listen to sometimes from WFMU called The Goddamn Dave Hill Show.
These are the images.
and this next one is for the Goddamn Dave Hill Show:
Before I continue with this thought, I want to say that in another one of the acknowledgements sent out, the first micronation to respond was one called Kingdom of Swett. Here's that conversation in its entirety. (to be comtinued)
I know enough about that type that I don't seek out advice from those people, were I to seek any advice at all.
He was talking about diabetics and how some people won't listen to advice to keep them from getting ill or, won't go to the doctor because they're stubborn or some other shit like that.
I know Spanish but it's easy for it to sound like gibberish when I don't try to listen and I didn't try. I just let him talk away and when my mom left the living room to go back into the kitchen, I went back into the other room, shutting the door.
In no time however, she was back in there telling me about how people need to use common sense and making comparisons with something her sister did on the phone the other day.
Of course, I can't do two things at once if both of those things require my undivided attention.
What frustrated me however, was her own inability to focus on the things she was proposing because the phone rang and she went to go answer it.
As she was leaving the room, she added that people needed to use common sense and change.
I'm not sure if she was expecting a phone call but that she broke away from the conversation which I felt more and more I needed to defend myself against, was what irritated me the most; especially since she doesn't have the ability to stay focused or hold onto ideas.
She came back into the room to hand me the phone because it was some auto call and figured I was the only one who knew how to handle it.
My mom knows English and why she couldn't just listen to what the auto voice was saying, is another thing that's irritating because suddenly, I'm supposed to adopt the "urgency" of the call while losing whatever information they were providing when it wasn't on my ear and I'm supposed to take care of it?
Mind you, I've been sitting in the room the entire time working on publishing things that take a long time for me to complete and this was just one of the many incidents, which have nothing to do with what I'm doing, to take me "out of it?"
So When she handed me the phone, I hanged up and took this chance to defend myself against whatever charges she was trying to position against me.
I cornered her in the kitchen explaining to her that at the end of every year, she goes through the same process of telling people they need to change for the better for the new year and that I don't expect she would do anything different this time around.
I also explained to her that the stuff I was dealing with right now are all related to my work and I explained a submission I received about the human rights violations committed by the Iranian government and how me going over that work, was more important than whatever she was talking about.
After I gave her the details, she does what she normally does and says she doesn't understand that and then told me that her concerns were getting a job, her concerns were going to help my sister with her new business, her concerns were getting new pants or whatever she needed because her clothes was running out, etc.
But she hadn't paid attention to what I had said which goes back to what she didn't understand, thinking that I was in trouble for committing human rights violations.
I also explained to her that in the world of writing, one has to take what they're talking about, seriously in order for others to do the same.
Now, as a side note; I'm a slow learner but in all cases, I'm pretty thorough and today's lesson which comes at the same time with reading this work, is to add footnotes to the piece for references and learning the HTML and the linking for me to do that right so I can publish it tonight, an example of how complex what I do, is.
It's clear that she's stressed that I'm not putting money in her hands on a daily basis but it's also clear that she doesn't understand what goes into what I do, in order for me to make that happen.
One of those things is not thinking about money as some of this stuff doesn't pay but, there's no way that I'm going to get some of this stuff done if I don't take a risk.
She gets enough from me money wise and still, she can't seem to leave me alone for long enough for me to make it happen, which goes with the fact that she still doesn't know what I'm doing and her anxiety about knowing what I do every fifteen fucking minutes is something I refuse to tolerate.
I just have to do as I just did in order to tell her to fuck off and leave me alone. She wasted some of my time as I did by just writing this post.
As I write this, it is 7:39 AM, a week before this is actually posted, sitting here in front of the computer screen, yawning.
I sleep on a futon in the front room, underneath where the noise starts, which comes from at least one of the three neighbors who live upstairs. as I tried to go back to sleep, the used their heels to move about again, stomping all the way across the floor, running, which is obviously from a second upstairs neighbor; their kid.
No one uses their heels to walk around on a daily basis and in all actuality, neither do these people but it sounds and feels like they do. I'm actually under the impression that they might be doing that just piss us off downstairs because this has been a daily occurrence and a ongoing problem.
My mom refuses to do anything about it, which I found out the hard way last night.
She had left the apartment that afternoon to go do whatever and as usual, that kid from upstairs was playing with some other kid(s) in the stairwell platform which joins the units for upstairs and they did something that sounded like the train which crosses nearby, derailed and decided to travel through the stairwell, the loudest sound I've ever heard and I've seen Slipknot and Dick Dale live!
I could have gone out there to start yelling at the kids but I'm not on the lease and it would only cause things to escalate, so I called my mom instead and explained the situation to her. She was already on her way back to the apartment.
When she did get here, I tried to make it clear to her what she needed to do in order to solve this problem because, I thought she had interacted with the other neighbors around us to put together a small group that could go to the office and raise hell about this.
But the fact is that she only has the neighbor across the unit who she knows has a problem with the noise and their own upstairs neighbors who have an older kid who is out of control.
I explained to my mom that I know that their upstairs neighbor is a problem because I've interacted with that kid more than a few times and even invited them to join a blogging network I was putting together with an employer, who ended up deleting that kid's content because what they were submitting was vulgar.
I got a better idea as to how my mom does things in the discussion we had which basically is to run away from the problem rather than to solve it.
I've made the point that there's no use in confronting the upstairs neighbors anymore with the complaint and that she needed to get the manager to come to our apartment and stand in the living room to hear the racket for herself, and then express to her how that noise she's hearing is constant and around the clock. That kind of presentation will make it very clear to her, how jarring it is and she would certainly act after that.
But my mom had already decided the manager wasn't going to do anything for two reasons:
1. She's already told her and she hasn't done anything about it and
2. She's dealing with lawyers who have already tried to reach the lawyers for the property who are pretty much unreachable.
My mom has however, been turning up the television in the front room every time the upstairs neighbors make noise and feels that when she does, they stop.
I told her she couldn't draw that conclusion from the first couple of times that she's done it, it could only be a coincidence and she argued with me about that, saying she knew it was working.
This caused me to give her some lessons in being resilient, because I have to focus on writing for us have money and that kind of noise has to stop. But she's got this idea where she wants to move to an apartment in Waxahachie as soon as possible and this would be the best reason to cut and run, so give credence to her obsession for finding an apartment there and moving.
Even with this, I told her that no matter where she went, she would have to maintain wherever she lived and this was just part of that process but she said she didn't care so, as a result, here I sit, hoping she loses sleep over me losing sleep because this computer I'm on is in the same room she's in.